Sunday, January 9, 2011
Day 191: Pick Me, Pick Me
Had Taco Bell for lunch today and it was really good. Mexican food is one of my favorites, right up there with pizza. If you saw my last post you will see that both of these types of food will soon be history for me. I am about to embark on a diet, that is not really a diet, but a change in eating habits and lifestyle choices. I know what is ahead and my flesh is fighting my mind right now injecting thoughts of how difficult the changes will be.
I also had these same kinds of thoughts when I used to think about quitting smoking. I had started smoking at 14 years old. I always thought about the actual act I was committing - sucking smoke into my lungs only to blow it right back out again. This process is what you do not want to do on purpose in a burning building, but yet we do this willingly and people now pay $5.00 a pack to do it. Thankfully God took this vice away from me when He converted me. He was gracious in this area and also in the area of the ungodly music I listened to, both of the things I had done for 24 years of my life were gone - no fights - no struggles. Now I remember doing both, but it really seems surreal because I would never think about doing either now in light of my Lord and Savior. But, the eating thing is weighing heavy on me too now (no pun intended). I am inundated with thoughts of failure already and I am still a few weeks out before the program starts.
I actually want to go ahead and start the weight loss, but per my last post I do not want to "waste" any lost pounds because it will lose money to a wonderful cause. For every pound I would lose now would take money away from building a church in Romania that could have reach an unfathomable amount of people with the gospel. So I wait. I am almost upset that I can't start the program now and begin my journey to health, but I still lack the mentality that I think will be needed. I know now that in the past I did all of my dieting on sheer willpower and this time I have a Kingdom focus, so that should really change things up. I also have the Holy Spirit in me and have a focus on God like I never had before, but I still have this same old flesh suit that likes the same old things to eat. So I think I know what I need to do - stay focused on the Lord and use His strength to see me through this. After all, that is what He wants us to do in every aspect of our lives anyway - to be in total reliance on Him. Maybe that is why the delay, because I still want to rely on me.
So, please pray for me - that I will get focused on God more finely and that He will be glorified through this coming challenge. I hope that I can use the experience forthcoming to spread the Gospel, maybe to other church bodies that might use this program. Which will in turn cause me to face another obstacle of my own devise - being a quiet person that doesn't do very well in a speaking role. But God can use me and I must submit to His will and die to myself to accomplish that. So please pray for me in these areas.
Also, please see my last post for a better explanation of the upcoming weight loss program our church body is about to embark on.